The idea of friendship is to build a relationship based on affection and mutual appreciation. It is a bond between people who share a strong connection, often because they have common interests, enjoy meaningful conversations, and value spending time together. Unfortunately, not all friendships are positive, and many times we do not realize this until it is too late.
Some people remain in negative or toxic friendships for years due to loneliness, a desire for acceptance, unresolved trauma, low self-esteem, or because they have few friends. As a result, they tolerate and forgive criticism, insults, mockery, and even betrayal under the belief that “true friends fight, but eventually forgive each other.”
In many cases, those who accept these situations did not receive enough attention, love, or affection from their parents, or they experienced abuse during childhood. As a result, they spend their lives searching for what was denied to them early on, until they encounter manipulative or negative individuals who promise to provide what they are seeking.
It is often difficult to recognize when negative friendships enter our lives. Usually, it takes months or even years to realize that we are in an unhealthy relationship. However, we can identify an unhealthy friendship when it lowers our self-esteem, uses us for personal gain without giving anything in return, and disturbs our peace of mind.
These friendships often ask for favors constantly, but disappear when we need support. They may repeatedly undermine our self-esteem through criticism, sarcasm, and demeaning comments, making us feel insignificant or incapable of making life-changing decisions. Often driven by envy, they feel threatened when we grow or succeed and begin to tell us that we are unattractive, unworthy of love, or incapable of achieving success—especially if that success surpasses theirs.
The best way to avoid this type of friendship is to begin putting yourself first. Do not allow anything or anyone to harm you, drain you emotionally, or disrupt your well-being. Practicing mindfulness, setting healthy boundaries, communicating assertively, evaluating emotional costs and benefits, prioritizing self-care, and developing emotional intelligence are essential steps—many of which can be effectively achieved through therapy.
In conclusion, if you have not yet found a healthy friendship, it is best to wait until the right one arrives after you have worked on healing your emotional wounds and strengthening your mental health to avoid repeating harmful patterns. There will always be good people willing to build meaningful friendships with you, but you must be ready to neither harm others nor allow yourself to be harmed. Finally, do not isolate yourself at home; seek out spaces where you can meet people who share your interests. In doing so, you will have the opportunity to meet, choose, and build healthier and more fulfilling friendships.
Article by: Erika Knodler
